Thursday, June 21, 2012

Where lies my 25%?

The greatest gift God gave to every child was the mother. And then to augment it He gave a grandmother.. No, he gave two, to tell them stories of times gone by, to sing a lullaby of periods lost, to bring them into the fold they lived in, to be the buffer when the mother boils over. God blessed me with those two. And then he decided to give me one more. To explain to me by actions a virtue expected normally in a family - unconditional love.  Just that this was not the bond that pulled us together. What bound me to her was not something that could be defined using the labels this world created for the myriad relations that existed here. But for simplicity sake I called her Ammachy.
So what did I share with her? Probably just our birthday month. But what did she share with me? Anything that a grandmother should.. and some more. That silent prayer, the caring touch, the smile of encouragement, the look of displeasure, the addressal signifying a belonging and then that odd but cute "thank you" she ended all our calls or meets with. She didn't have to give me any of that but she did, and with such passion combined with the rigid belief that it was her duty. She felt she had a right over me at times even stronger than my parents and I loved every bit of that.
Spending days with her, listening to her talk endlessly on mundane stuff with more attention on the delicacies she prepared, was a sort of ritual I needed to do at least every quarter. She was the reason I developed the love for good food, the patience to listen, the interest to build, maintain and especially remember familial ties. I was awed by the way she kept such awesomely close contact with her super extended family sans Facebook or mobile phones.. with just hand-written letters. Unfortunately try as I might I could never emulate it. I still remember how years back when this girl took a playful turn to church by talking and goofing around right in front of the altar Ammachy quietly pulled her towards herself and kept her there making her understand the sanctity of the whole service more with her stern looks than by words. She was the inspiration for my belief in God, she showed me how much He would help through her life, her experiences. Even when she scolded I felt it funny, funny because I was taken back by how she could so effortlessly take full control of us, because I didn't understand how or why she bothered so much,  because it amazed me that someone could take note of such intricacies and point it out. When she complained I smiled, at the innocence, the childishness, the expressions her face took. When she cooked I stood admiring her sense of detail and oh yes, the cleanliness. I think I can go on about her need for linearity and order. Her likes, her interests, her practices which had been constantly the same over the forever years that I have known her. Forever years..
And beneath all this I felt a love I knew would be missed for the rest of my unknown life. In this world where everyone gives only with a surety for some distant future I got from her something I would never be able to measure up to. I was gifted with a bond that I could not give a physical description to. It all stemmed from the heart.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Nothing to complain..

Nothing is permanent in this world. No one stays forever. No feeling is unconditional and no act is selfless. And being a part of this self-centred world why should I complain of people who come and leave at their own will, who make use of what u give them when your gift itself has a ring of selfishness associated to it. You cling on to people for your own needs, where is the justice in you expecting them to be otherwise. The world is as good as you get. If what u did was good, so was what people did to you. And feel good that you were good enough, which is why you were saved from worse states. Its been a good life, always was, always will be.